After reading Tiri's blog, and seeing how sweet her tribute thing to everyone that matters to her is, I've decided to do one too. I guess I never really thanked all these people for being such a big big part of my life; I do take things for granted a whole lot of the time. Anyway, here's to thanking all of you.

OLD OLD KAWAN.

Dell
My best friend since what 4? This is the one person I love most in the world. She's so like me its amazing and I'm just really glad I met her. We've been through so much together, and her accident just made me realise how much she really means to me. I don't know what I'd do without you.

Shane and Glenn
These guys have always been there for me. They're like my surrogate big brothers, and any boy has to go through them first. Haha. They've always taken care of me, and manja-ed me non-stop. Even though we don't spend as much time together anymore, I still love both of you many many. Sheekadilaaa.

Tryna and Mikae.
Ahhh my bitching partners. Phone convos all night long, sleepovers, movie marathons. I love both of you like hell. You're my confidants, and we've been besties forever. Thanks for all the beautiful memories.

IJ KAKI.
I'm so grateful to all of you. Cool table people, you've really made this huge impact on my life. Tiri, Jenn, Angelina, Keish, Punitha and even our racist friend Vera. You guys have made my IJ days so memorable, the constant laughter, all the nonsense we did in class. Ahhh I miss you guys so so much.

SR FRIENDS.
Haha okay I suppose the only people I'm close to here are Aileen, Heidi and Stef. I spend all my time in school with you guys, and its great how we get along so well. Haha its fun reminscising with Bitch and Stef about IJ days, and Heidi's full of funny funny stories about everything! School's just so fun with all of you around. I couldn't wish for a better group of friends really. Thank you for being you.

EVERYONE ELSE.
Okay well to all the other random people I've met along the way, I hope I get to know all of you better some day. I'm really grateful to have so many friends, people who care about me and actually bother to know what's been going on with me. Thank you.

I feel so absolutely gay now but it was worth it. I know its totally not a Clarissa thing to go around thanking everyone, but you guys really mean a whole whole lot to me. I love you all many many.

Kel says:
i remember there was once.
Kel says:
i came over and visited.
Kel says:
then you threw up on the floor.
Kel says:
*burst out laughing*
clarissa. says:
er okay
Kel says:
its like some random memory.
Kel says:
cause we were all in your parents room watching wrestling.
Kel says:
then suddenly from the doorway. we heard something like peanuts dropping.
Kel says:
then adrian's like. PICK IT UP PICK IT UP.
Kel says:
and i was the only one who even turned and looked at the doorway.
Kel says:
and you were like. achaaacha. i vomeet.
clarissa. says:
hahahhaa
Kel says:
*laugh until cry*
Kel says:
priceless moment


Ahhhh. I miss my cousin.

Chapter 1: Personal

Initials:
C.J.C

Middle name:
Jan

Birthday:
19th July

Birth Place:
NUH, Singapore.

Current location:
Boon Keng, still Singapore.

Height:
163 on a good day.

Hair length:
Mid neck?

Eye color:
Brown black. Black brown. Black. Brown.

Piercings:
5

Birthmarks:
Explains why you don't see me in bikinis very often.

Chapter 2: Family

Do you live with your parents:
Yeah

Do you get along with your parents?
Dad most of the time, Mum none of the time.

Do you have any siblings?
Adrian. 7 years older.

What pets do you have?
Dog

What are there names?
Adrian. Haha. Guinness lah.

Chapter 3: Favorites

City:
Sydney.

Season:
Autumn. Everything gets so pretty.

Clothing brand:
Whatever looks good on me I suppose.

Color:
Red. Burgundy. Brown.

Number:
6.

Chapter 4: Do You ...

Sing in the shower?
Totally. Been recorded by Adrian and Shane many times too.

Write memos on your hand?
Yeah well notebooks never last more than a week around me.

Call people back?
If I feel like it.

Believe in love?
Not at my age, no.

Sleep on a certain side of the bed?
Yeah. There's even indentation on the bed.

Wear glasses or contacts?
Both. Specs at home, or when my eyes annoy me in the morning.

Chapter 5: Have You Ever...

Worn braces?
Yeah

Broken a bone?
Yeah in my toe. Haha.

Punched someone in the face?
Haha yeah. But I punch like a girl so it was kinda more like a slap. Haha.

Skipped school?
Totally.

Taken painkillers?
Yeah. Once a month every month.

Been to overnight camp?
Er yeah. Who hasn't.

Written a letter to Santa Claus?
Till about 12. I'm one of those kids who don't give up easily.

Had detention?
Too many times.

Been sent to the principal's office?
Haha yeahhhh.

Been called a bitch?
Everyday, mostly by Aileen. Or I suppose if someone really hates me.
(Does anyone else notice I've done everything in this part? Hm.)


Chaper 6: Who/What was the last..

Person to IM you?
Tryna. One of those convo windows that never close.

Person to call you?
Joshua.

Person you hugged?
Erm. I think Kristie.

Person you tackled?
Hahahahaha. Glenn the last time I saw him. Then I realised the girl in his room.

Thing you touched?
Well if the keyboard doesn't count then its my cup of Dreyser's.

Thing you ate?
Dreyser's Cookies and Cream.

Drank?
Tang. You know Grandmama's in town when there's Tang in the house.

Thing you said?
Who knows. I talk too much for my own good anyway.

RARRRHHH.

I'm pretty glad I didn't go to SA or CJ. I'm really glad I worked instead of first 3 months. I mean I'd have remained the stuck up brat I've been all these years had it not been for all of that. I think work really really changed me. I'm really grateful my parents made me start right from the bottom. I probably wouldn't have matured so much if I went with the Four Seasons job. Give me Carl's Jr. any day baby.

I so totally miss being a workaholic. I used to clock the most hours week after week. 16 hour shifts just give you this total sense of accomplishment you know. Like you made it another day, and nothing's ever gonna get to you. Like you can handle anything that comes your way. I miss the people I worked with. They were such a fun lot. They didn't pretend to be smart and into smart people things, they were just people. So original and so refreshing. I mean I totally loved coming to work cause it was a new thing everyday. Dancing during off-peak and sleeping under sinks. And bullying the boys into doing the really hard/gross stuff for you.

I remember feeling so estranged from all my friends at that time. Like I never wanted to meet anyone or go for sleepovers or my marathon movie sessions with Shane, Tryna, Glenn and Mikae. I just felt so different from everyone else, and I guess that feeling's never really gone away. It really just feels like no one gets me now. I wish someone would waltz into my life and take over the now somewhat empty position of best friend. Then again everyone's so busy these days it doesn't seem very likely.

I hate being in JC. I hate being the dumping ground for everyone and everything. I hate the stress and I hate the people. Well most of them anyway. Sure I've met some really nice people. But its like most of them are just so fake. Trying so hard to fit in, changing into something its really obvious they're not. Maybe its just this phase in our lives you know. Like this period of time where no one has any clue of who they are or where they're headed. That or maybe everyone's just too grade obsessed to see anything deeper than books.

I think I might be pregnant. I've been having the oddest food cravings lately. I had lemon apple pie for breakie, an egg foldover with bacon stuffed for lunch and breaded zucchini and potato gratin for dinner. And tomato juice the entire day. I like how Mama isn't at home to complain about how all her fruits and veges are disappearing at the speed of light. Yummy yummy. I'm making Adri bring home a coconut for me cause I'm currently craving the pulp. Yikes. Mama said she had coconut cravings all the time when she was pregnant with me. Hm. Intriguing I'm sure.

Its NOT nasi lemak if its made with un-coconut-ed BROWN rice, and if we're all only allowed to have 3 spoons of rice each. I hate how my family's so health-concious. Nasi lemak at our house is baked chicken/fish, boiled egg, cucumber and sambal. Sambal of course with added protein supplements.

Eww.

Adrian's at church, believe it or not. He's been going for daily mass now. At St. Mike's of all churches. Mostly cause he's too lazy to take a bus to another one. Point is he's going for mass. Its funny how my brother's embracing his faith just when I'm losing mine. Everyone's becoming so holy and perfect and I'm staying me. The contrast is amazing. Dad and Mum are going up to Rawang this weekend with a bunch of assorted relatives for St. Jude's feast. As Mum so eloquently put it, they went up last year to pray for my O's, cause there's obviously no way I'd have done relatively well without the patron saint of hopeless cases on my side. I swear, in my family, if I were top student in Singapore, it wouldn't be cause I decided to be smart and study my ass off, it'd be that everyone else just took a break from hitting the books.

I wish I wasn't so damned sensitive. I wish I wish I wish.

Anyway, because everyone's been annoying me with their nonsense diets and quest to spiritual perfection, I've gone on a massive baking spree to encourage sinful-ness. I've been baking everyday. Problem is I'm the only one eating anything aside from Dad who sneaks brownies late late at night when no one's watching. I've been house visiting a lot to give away food. Shane got banana muffins and oatmeal cookies today. I can't give any away to relatives cause Mum's been going around telling everyone that my food's disgustingly sweet, even though she's yet to taste anything from this baking spree and I've massively cut down sugar in everything. So now all my besties will get fat fat instead. Just cause I cut the sugar doesn't mean I cut the butter. I don't hear Shane complaining though. Haha.

Oh and quote of the day yesterday was by Mrs Kok Chwee Kee, soon to be ex-principal of SRJC.

" A is the first letter of the alphabet. Always remember that "

Oh it had to come from SR.

I'm off to watch Nip/Tuck now. Cheerio.

Dad's just told me our very first maid, Jacqueline's in town. This is the lady that took care of me from birth till I was about three. I kinda vaguely remember her, really really fair with funny hair. I'm really excited she's here. She's dropping by our house on Monday. To see how much Adrian and I have grown up in the 14 years she hasn't seen us in. Amazing really. Dad says I was really attached to her, and she to me. She even named her daughter Clarissa. How cool is that. The girl's about twelve now. I'm just so super excited to see her. She must be pretty old now and probably looks completely different from this vauge outline I have of her face. I still absolutely can't wait. Maybe she can tell me stories about when I was a baby. Mum and Dad were never around much to know more than how I took 3 hours to finish a meal. Maybe she remembers what my first words were and whatever. I'm probably the only kid who doesn't know that. Ahhhh. I totally can't wait!

H3 Econs. Eurgh.



Who knew becoming smart came with so much stress.



Though I'll admit game theory sounds a whole lot more interesting than fucking demand and supply.



I'm so sick of JC. Our whole damn education system really. The constant pressure to do better than everyone else. And to maintain it when you actually get somewhere.



Now that promos are over its project work and malay. No break. Then comes a million holiday lessons. Some holiday. Then there's the mugging for Feb's Common Test, as well as maybe, probably H3 classes. Another common test, mid-years. And then of course there's the actual 'A's. Fuck. I can't have one day to myself without feeling guilty. Why why why do I keep saying yes to everything when I know I don't have enough time for all of it.



I just wish I had a fucking choice half the time. I wish everyone would just stop thinking I'm smart and leave me alone. I think I'll go back to skipping school all the time and failing every class.



Most of all I think I just wish that everyone didn't have so much faith in me. I mean sure its great that all your friends and most of your family have that much confidence in you, but its like I didn't do anything to deserve it. I really wish I could be smarter, better at time/stress management. Maybe then I could handle all this a whole lot better. Its like everyday I go to bed and its like, I still have this much to do. Every day should have 180 hours in my opinion. Then maybe I could meet deadlines once in a while.



How does everyone else do this?

Dieting's oh so easy when you see what's for lunch.


Leftovers from the past two weeks.


Ewww.












Fuck, I wish I had had him before life got to him.

clarissa. says:
omg guess what

angelina says:
?

clarissa. says:
my boobs grew!!!!

angelina says:
CONGRATULATIONS!

angelina says:
measured ah

clarissa. says:
haha my bras very tight

clarissa. says:
haha i damn excited

clarissa. says:
i will put on lots more weight now.

clarissa. says:
if only i could find some way to channel all the weight there instead of my hips

angelina says:
haha

angelina says:
binding

clarissa. says:
bind my hips ah

clarissa. says:
isnt that like wearing really really tight panties.

angelina says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAH


AIYOHHHH. THE NONSENSE CONVOS I HAVE WITH HER AH.


I LOVE ANGELINA MARYANNE LOURDES.

Lunching with IJ kaki. Ahhhhh I'm super super super excited. Haven't seen half of them for ages.







I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE MY FRIENDS.

You got a fast car,
But is it fast enough so we can fly away?
We gotta make a decision;
We leave tonight or live and die this way.

I found out some things about him today. God I feel like such a complete idiot. I hate that I'm so presumptuous all the time. Its moments like these you find out how awful it is when you stereotype someone.

As much as I'd like to though, nothing seems worth it anymore. I've been so depressed lately. Its like all these things have just been building up one by one. Everytime I get over something, something worse just comes along and shoves me back into the ground again.

Great, I sound like some pessimistic mad bitch now.

I miss Shane. Another Saturday's gone by with me waiting all day for that caramel frappe. I miss my friends so so so much. I don't think I'd be in this deep if things were the same way they used to be. I wish I could be a kid again. I keep thinking of the first time I met him, dumping that bucket of sand over his head. And his oh so adorable reaction.

I wish everyone wasn't too busy for me anymore.

Mum was bitching about the costs of sending me to the library the other day, about how it cost like $6 to get across CBD, and another $4 on petrol, so why couldn't I just take the bus and all. Haha. This followed.

Me : Petrol : $4.
Me : CBD :$6
Me : The chance to do something nice for your daughter : Priceless.
Mum : I'm gonna remember that line when you ship me off to the nursing home.



HAHAHAHA.

Depression sinks in when you start seeing Wentworth Miller on everyone's display picture.






AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.






Kill me now I beg you.

Holidays are gonna be fantastic. Looking over the fall schedule, 36 shows I want to start/continue watching. God I'm such a freak. I'm never ever ever gonna get out of the house at this rate. I wonder how the computer's gonna store all this. I think I better start learning how to burn dvds. I hate small RAM or whatever.


Econs paper went better than expected. Geog practically everything I didn't study for came out. Yikes.


Friday's getting awfully close. While it does signify the end of promos and we should all be really happy, it does mean that the biopsy's coming up too. Dad and Adrian got really freaked out when I kinda let it slip it was there. Ahhhh. I'm damn scared. Either way, benign or malignant, its gonna take surgery to get it out. Thank God there's no history of it, so far.


Aside from the depression this brings, my friends have been so supportive its amazing. I love all of you to bits and pieces. Whether its assuring me I'm gonna get promoted and/or not gonna kick the bucket any time soon, you've all really been there for me. I'm sorry I haven't been reciprocating. I've been a bit self-obsessed lately.

Fuck fuck fuck. I drank so much coffee I can't sleep now. 4 cups of super strong coffee. I've got 2 papers tmr and I can't get to sleep. Yikes.

I've gone through all this market structure rubbish. My head is so cramped with stuff and there are so many things I don't understand about it. I'm so totally gonna mix them up tmr. Or fall asleep during the 3 HOUR LONG PAPER WITH NO BREAKS. My ass hurt so much from the bio paper that I'm so totally convinced its become flatter. I have no idea why I'm blogging about my ass, but maybe if I ramble on and on I'll eventually bore myself until I fall asleep.

I've given up on the physical geog paper. Looking at some checklist, I realise I know just about nothing. I didn't even realise we covered this whole chapter on floods. I think I've skipped a few too many geog lectures.

I so wish I had an econs lecture taped. Then I can listen to that and fall asleep.


Its funny how when I'm most awake my blog posts are at their most awful.

I'm gonna try sleeping now. Bye FOLKS. Haha I'm gonna miss that when I leave srjc after all this.

I find it totally hilarious how so many people suddenly become my friend in the week leading up to their econs exam. Haha. Everyone always asks what I'm studying and concentrating on and whatever. And start asking me all these weird complicated questions like how do pc firms make profits. Erm. Go make friends with your econs teacher and ask can. This idiot here doesn't know ANYTHING.

I found out I'm Adrian's CPF nominee person. Which means if he dies, I'll get all his CPF money. He had to fill up half a million forms to get it switched from my parents to me. Naturally, Mum was quite upset when she found out he intentionally did it, but this was pretty much how it went down.

(At a rare family dinner where we're all actually present.)
Adrian : I managed to switch my CPF nomination to Sa you know.
Mum : Should be us right not her?
Adrian : Yah but if its you all, Monday my funeral, Tuesday you'll start renovating the house.



HAHAHAHAHAHA.

You know that awful cliche, ' Dance like no one's watching'? Fuck that. I say 'Open every drawer like there's a cockroach in it'.




Be still my trembling, post heart attack, heart.




In other news, Alexis Meghan Fernandez was born two hours ago. My sixth niece. God I feel so old. Can you believe I don't get to see the new baby till Friday? Yet another reason to hate promos. I'm so happy anyway. And you know at the rate all these nice names are being snapped up by my highly reproductive cousins, I'm gonna be stuck naming my kid something like Aileen. Oh such a cheap shot. Hahaha, still funny though.


I think I'm getting a bit too addicted to babies. I want half a million of my own someday.

Adrian pokes his head through my door.

Adrian : My friends are coming over at 11 tmr. Wear something decent and comb your hair a bit can.

Me : Hot or not.

Adrian : All married lah.

Me : RARRRRH. I won't be awake anyway.

Adrian : Just don't be embarrassing.

And then a half hour fight about who's more embarrassing ensues.






I love my brother, a little bit, some of the time.